war-weary jews establish homeland between syria, lebanon, jordan, egypt

The Onion
Tuesday, November 9, 1948

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"In Israel, Our People Will Finally Have Safety and Peace," Says Ben-Gurion
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Jordan Welcomes New Neighbors with Celbratory Gunfire, Rock Throwing

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Jerusalem, Israel--After more than 2,000 years of wandering and persecution, including six million deaths at the hand of Nazi Germany, the Jewish people finally established a homeland Monday, a place of safety and peace nestled between Syria, Lebanon, Jordan and Egypt.

"No longer will the Jewish race live in a constant state of fear and endagerment, its very existence threatened at every turn by hostile outsiders," said David Ben-Gurion, the new nation's first prime minister, addressing a jubiland crowd of Zionists at Jerusalem's Western Wall. "Here in Israel, we are safe, far away from those who seek to destroy us."

For two millennia, the Jewish people have wandered without a home, facing an endless series of hostile enemies. With the establishment of a soverign Jewish state in the Middle East, Israeli officials believe this 2,000-year ordeal has at last come to an end.

"Israel is the land of milk and honey," Ben-Gurion said. "Here there will be no pogroms, no midnight visits from Cossacks, no Nuremberg Laws. The only gunfire we shall hear is that which lingers in our minds from troubled times long past."

Ben-Gurion said he looks forward to years of harmony and cooperation with Israel's neighboring states. "Jordan seems extremely happy to have us as a new neighbor," he said. "Last night, from my window, I could hear great explosions coming from the Gaza Strip. How wonderful of the Palestinian peoples there to celebrate our arrival with fireworks."

In his official greeting to Israel yesterday, Egypt's King Farouk issued the following statement: "Egypt does not and will not ever recognize the so-called state of Israel's right to exist. Israel is a land built on Jewish lies and the spilled blood of countless Arabs. Until the territory called Israel is returned to is rightful Palestinian owners, Egypt will have no choice but to consider itself at war with the Jewish people."

As a token of its good will, Syria presented Israel with a burning Israeli flag, with an attached note that read, "May you be swiftly driven into the sea and drowned."

In the months leading up to Monday's formal declaration of Israeli statehood, hundreds of thousands of Hocaust survivors from around the world have flocked to Israel, where they will finally find a safe haven from anti-Semitism. "This is a dream come true," said Holocaust survivor Zadie Dubrovnik, 59, who left her native Lithuania for Israel last week. "In this place, we will build a refuge of peace, far away from those who hate us."

Ben-Gurion said that with no need to defend itself from enemies, Israel will be free to spend billions of dollars on domestic development that other nations would be forced to devote to a defense budget. Military expenditures are expected to account for just two percent of the country's overall budget, as Israel will be a place of peace, not war.


Also from the Onion:
Israel Bombs Anti-Semitism Out Of Lebanon
Israel Intercepts Massive Palestinian Rock Shipment
Israel, Palestine Now Fighting Over Cemetery Space
War-Torn Middle East Seeks Solace In Religion

see also: on a lighter note...

bean soup times

The Chicago-based satirical journal,Bean Soup Times, published and edited by Toure Muhammad, Sr. is kind of like a "Black" version of the Onion. As one review puts it: "No, it's not the Onion but an Afrocentric variant with a similarly edible name." I've seen it in print for a while now, but just today I "discovered" it online and felt like sharing:

No Limit soldier, Iraqi veteran share awkward moment in local liquor store
Gangster gets Folk Art Festival ad all wrong
Despite pay gap, 75% of white men still angry
Closet Pagan smirks every time Bible-thumping friends talk about putting up Christmas tree

rick santorum relieved no one has asked him about interracial marriage yet

The Onion: Rick Santorum Relieved No One Has Asked Him About Interracial Marriage Yet

good cop, bad cop both racist

The Onion: Good Cop, Bad Cop Both Racist

orlando is an onion

I continue to be surprised by the complexity and intersectionality which is being revealed in relation to the tragedy in Orlando.

1. Hero With a Muslim name Imran Yousuf, the bouncer at the club of partial-Muslim ancestry who acted to save dozens of lives.

2. Peel a layer and get a telenovela Omar Mateen's gay ex-lover claims Mateen was motivated by revenge over being romantically jilted.

3. Contrary to the claims of Trump and others that Muslims don't do enough to help the authorities, here is an account from The Muslim who reported Omar Mateen to the FBI.

4. Imam Zaid Shakir on Orlando

5. A Joint Muslim Statement On The Carnage in Olando

6. Dr. Farrokh Sekaleshfar was a cleric who came to Orlando to give an academic talk on homosexuality in Islam. A snippet of his talk was quoted repeatedly in the news. But here is a broader sample of Dr. Sekaleshfar's comments.

sometimes you can't tell the difference between the onion and the real news...

The Daily Show: FOX Failed To Mention Co-Owner Is One They Accuse Of 'Terror Funding' As a part of its typical fear-mongering, Fox News did a story described links between Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf and an unnamed Saudi sponsor by means of the Kingdom Foundation... but it turns out that the Saudi in question, Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal is actually one of the largest shareholders of Fox News' own parent corporation. What!

hero with a muslim name

I haven't been blogging for a while, but I feel like putting this out there. One of the interesting details which have emerged from the horrifically intersectional onion-like complexity of the recent Orlando shooting are accounts of Imran Yousuf, an ex-marine and bouncer at the nightclub who saved dozens of lives during the attack: What was really weird to me is that the initial reports identified Yousuf as a Hindu when he clearly had a Muslim name (both Imran and Yusuf are in the Quran). It also raised questions in terms of who gets included or excluded in what "Muslim" means in the popular consciousness. The church-going black president who repeatedly claims to be Christian? Muslim. The mass-murdering, Grindr-using, alcohol-drinking, gay-club regular? Muslim. The hero who saved at least 60 people during the Orlando shooting with a Muslim name? Hindu. I finally found an article which unpacks a bit more info regarding Imran Yousuf's background in India West:

The Yousufs emigrated from India to Guyana four generations ago. Imran Yousuf’s paternal grandfather is Muslim, and his grandmother is Hindu, so his father Rasheed is a mix of both ethnicities. Yousuf’s mother Norma is Hindu, and Imran Yousuf identifies as a Hindu, said Christina Yousuf.

So its not clear how exactly his father identified, but loosely speaking, Imran is "one quarter" Muslim. .. which should be at least one half Muslim by birther standards, right?

michele bachman thankful no americans died in sikh shooting

The Onion: Michele Bachmann Thankful No Americans Died In Sikh Shooting

fbi uncovers plot to just sit back and enjoy collapse of united states

Given the last entry, this story is more sad than funny... The Onion: FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States

us deports lou dobs

This makes enough sense for me to half believe it.

The Onion: U.S. Deports Lou Dobbs: CNN Host Had Been Living Illegally In Country Since 1961

WANTAGE, NJ—Acting on anonymous tips from within the Hispanic-American community, U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials on Wednesday deported Luis Miguel Salvador Aguila Dominguez, who for the last 48 years had been living illegally in the United States under the name Lou Dobbs.

According to the Department of Homeland Security, federal agents stormed the undocumented immigrant's home in an evening raid just hours after the 64-year-old newscaster suddenly announced that he was resigning from CNN, and immediately placed him on an Aeromexico flight departing from Newark Liberty Airport.
Enlarge Image Family

"Dobbs," around 1970, still returned regularly to Mexico to be with his family and work as a farmer.

"Mr. Dominguez did not come quietly, but in the end he came," said Sam Whitlock of the U.S. Border Patrol, who was injured during the arrest. "He pulled a knife on me, like they will, and swore a bunch in Spanish and spit on us when we finally managed to grab him by the serape and throw him against a wall. But the important thing is that he's now back where he belongs."

Evidence collected by investigators indicates that Dominguez/Dobbs, who has long claimed Texas heritage, was actually born in the Mexican state of Puebla to parents of Colombian descent, neither of whom were U.S. citizens. In the summer of his 16th year, he and 14 of his brothers and sisters paid smugglers to let them ride atop packages of cocaine in the cargo hold of a fishing boat bound for Texas under cover of night.

In addition to holding multiple jobs without ever obtaining a guest-worker permit or H-1B visa, "Dobbs" is reported to have collected welfare every month for nearly five decades. He appeared in good health when apprehended, having used Medicaid to obtain numerous health care services over the years, but immigration officials fear he still may have exposed the American population to the many infectious diseases illegal immigrants tend to carry, including both malaria and leprosy.

CNN, as per its policy initiated by Dominguez, is complying freely with the ongoing DHS investigation into the multitude of illegal activities in which its former employee was entrenched.

"No one here knew anything about Mr. Dobbs' past, and to be honest, we never asked," said a source within CNN, who asked not to be identified. "All we knew was that he was willing to take the job most American newscasters didn't want—namely, speaking out hysterically against immigration at every turn to help us gain ratings points against Fox News."

After arriving in Texas in 1961, "Dobbs" is believed to have wandered around the American southeast making a meager living as a car thief, low-level drug dealer, and migrant farm laborer. At age 18, he reportedly delivered an ounce of marijuana to attendees at an Atlanta media conference, where his harsh, booming voice and fiery temper caught the attention of none other than Ted Turner. At the tycoon's urging, the young man shaved his long, drooping mustachios, applied for federal tuition waivers, and took advantage of affirmative-action policies to gain admittance to Harvard University. In 1980, Turner gave him a job at CNN that had previously been held by an American-born reporter.

When searching the former newscaster's house in Wantage, NJ, Border Patrol agents found several boxes of horded food stamps, a fully-equipped stolen-car chop shop, a 350-deck DVD pirating warehouse, and a garment facility where up to 100 illegal workers put in 85-hour weeks producing knockoff purses, shoes, and other counterfeit clothing.

Many younger members of the Border Patrol team that participated in Wednesday's raid said it was "an honor and a privilege" to help deport Dominguez, as years of listening to tirades against illegal immigrants on Lou Dobbs Tonight had been a major factor in their choice of career.

"This is a battle for the soul of our country," Agent Jared Burns, 23, said as he helped the 17 Dominguez children board the bus that would take them to a detention facility where their legal status will eventually be determined. "Today is a proud day for any true American."

Immediately before press time, "Dobbs" arrived in Mexico City, and was surrounded by members of the international press.

"¡Esos hijos de puta sufrirán por esto!" a handcuffed Dominguez shouted at reporters from the tarmac. "Sin mi vigilancia, mis hermanos y yo nos apresuraríamos a la frontera a robar sus carros y a violar sus mujeres. ¡Arriba!

israel threatens to veto

The Onion: Israel Vows To Use Veto Power If Chuck Hagel Confirmed As U.S. Secretary Of Defense

black presidents (part one)

It is amazing to me how powerful the very concept of a "Black President" is in terms of the varied ways it has been a frequent catalyst for the popular comedic, dramatical and political imagination.

At first, I was just looking around on YouTube and came across Richard Pryor doing a "Black President" sketch for his short-lived television series but very quickly many other examples sprang to mind.

Dave Chappelle: Black President Bush
Dave Chappelle: If Deep Impact kept it real (Dave as Morgan Freeman as the President)
Dave Chappelle: Wyclef's If I was President
Wyclef's Video: If I was President

In 1964, Irving Wallace published a novel called "The Man" about the first Black president of the United States. The book was later on made into a film with James Earl Jones as the lead. The screenplay was written by Rod Serling who is most famous as the creator of the Twilight Zone. (I'll try not to read too much into that). Of course the main character isn't actually elected as President. Instead he was elected to the Senate (and becomes President Pro Tempore) but after the first couple of people in the Presidential order of succession either die or become incapacitated he becomes the next person in line.

More recently we have also have Dennis Haysbert's portrayal of Black President, David Palmer on the popular series 24.

The last two examples are the most realistic and emphasize the complex set of challenges and obstacles which would face a Black man who fills "the most powerful office on the planet". The earlier examples are more imaginative than realistic and (with the exception of Black Bush) I would argue that the Black President idea is used as a vehicle to express a certain utopian vision.

An example which is both absolutely realistic and totally hilarious is the Onion piece: Zambia Elects Black President

Although strictly speaking, not on Black Presidents, there are also some poignant examples of criticizing the current president in terms of his policies towards the Black community among others:
Pink - Dear Mr. President
George Bush Don't Like Black People (Remix)

More later. In part two I'll want to bring in discussions of some of the real live candidates for the position of Black president: Barack Hussein Obama, Shirley Chisolm, Eldridge Cleaver, Lenora Fulani, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, et alia.

osama found

The Onion: Osama Bin Laden Found Inside Each of Us

which makes more sense, a muslim-owned liquor store or a rastafarian barbershop?

In recent news, in at least two Oakland liquor stores, a group of African-American men wearing suits and bowties have gone into the stores and commited acts of vandalism. But the story is like an onion, with several layers.

Firstly, the liquor stores are owned by Arabs/Muslims but obviously Islam prohibits buying and selling alcohol.

Secondly, the African-American men were at first assumed to be from the Nation of Islam, but it turned out that they were from a different group of black Muslims (who may or may not be believers in Elijah Muhammad).

So thirdly you have the irony that orthodox Muslims often accuse certain "Black Muslim" groups of being disbelievers on theological grounds (for believing in a prophet after Muhammad or for believing that Fard was God) but now the Black Muslim group is criticizing the immigrant Muslim group for not following a basic element of Islamic practice.

Fourthly, this could just be seen in racial terms, just another non-Black group making a profit by selling harmful/low-quality/negative products in the Black community. The fact that its being done by Muslims who according to their own religion shouldn't be selling this stuff anyway is basically just salt in the wound.

Fifthly, I don't want to sound like a vigilante, but there is crime and then there is crime. This reminds me of past occasions when I'd hear news of some frustrated but well-intentioned community member burning down their local crack den... or Rev. Pfleger, a white (but very "down") priest in Chicago who has been arrested in the past for vandalizing alcohol and tobacco billboards in Black neighborhoods (but aquitted of the charges by the jury). The case in Oakland is definitely more severe since it involved kidnapping as well as arson. But still, not everything which is legal is right. And not everything which is right, is legal.

Sixthly, I would say the ultimate responsibility (or at least complicity) for all this rests in a number of different places. Obviously, the brothers who vandalized the store are responsible for their actions. But (from a religious and social perspective) the brothers who owned the store should have made different business decisions. But at the same time, the zoning laws and economic and financial conditions are set up so that setting up such stores in poor communities is an attractive proposition (from a profit-making perspective).

And finally, the seventh layer I would want to mention is the question of tactics. Even if we can sympathize and understand the feelings of the people who vandalized the store, what should the most constructive effective response have been? I honestly don't have a perfect answer. But it should be possible to organize collectively and more peacefully to address some of those other levels. Work through the political system to work change zoning laws and liquor licensing. Work on the community level and perhaps organize boycotts. And also locate, create, and nurture alternatives. For example, if a Muslim opens a halal grocery store (or other kind of business) in the community, make sure to support them.

That's basically all I have to say about it, right now. But you might also want to look at...

what other bloggers have said about the issues:
Izzy Mo: racial tensions in the ummah... again
Adisa Banjoko: Hip-Hop Predicted Liquor Store Trashings Long Ago
Ihsan:Alcohol smashed in Oakland, California
Sunni Sister: Pops

what news sources have reported:
ABC NEWS: Nation Of Islam Furious With Police
Inside Bay Area: Oakland liquor stores under siege
San Francisco Chronicle: Nation of Islam, store owners slam vigilantes
San Francisco Chronicle: Liquor store owner's ordeal- Arson, kidnapping in Oakland -- 6 sought in previous attack
MSNBC: 2 surrender to police in liquor-store vandal case
Kron4: Police Arrest Two Men in Liquor Store Attacks (videos)
MIPT: Two arrested in attacks on Oakland liquor stores
MIPT: Liquor store clerk found safe after kidnapping; shop had been vandalized for selling to blacks

why you bringing up old stuff? (some previous Grenada posts loosely related to the Black/immigrant divide in the United States):
racial tensions in the american ummah
in the ghetto
arab-american demographics
arabs and the racial lessons of 9/11
racial jujitsu or the more things change...
new spirit in the mosque
"asalam-alaikum , akhi. could you get me a lottery ticket?"

al-qaeda: where are they now?

from the Onion

it's a small world after all

Not particularly "Granada-ish". But it has been on my mind for a while, like the Damocles stuff.

Area Applebee's A Hotbed Of Machiavellian Political Maneuvering
Marxists' Apartment A Microcosm Of Why Marxism Doesn't Work
Both are older stories from The Onion

For long-time I've noticed something funny. The political attitdes I have when it comes to national/world issues necessarily don't always match up to my political attitudes when it comes to the smaller levels. For example, a benevolent dictatorship or oligarchy actually works out pretty well at the family level, but I wouldn't want to run a country that way. A bowling league should be run differently from knitting club. Student government should be run differently from a life boat. And so on. Man is a political animal, but we all hunt in different habitats.

the magic of not reading

New Harry Potter Film Turns Children On To Magic Of Not Reading
LOS ANGELES - Around the world, children are being turned on to the magic of not reading by the blockbuster film Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone. "My daughter Julia never liked to sit passively and stare at a screen, but this new movie has really locked the power of her imagination," said Hannah Foss, 38, of Dayton, OH. "She can't put her books away fast enough." "Movies are great," said Tarzana, CA, 10-year-old Emily Hart. "You can see exactly what the characters look like without having to guess."
From the Onion